Satire: Which Presidential Candidate Are You?

Take this Fun, Satirical Quiz to see which Presidential Candidate you are Most Similar To

Aaron Raubvogel, Yalda Saii, and Olivia Dumas

Note: All answers in this quiz are supposed to be satirical and not taken literally. The Woodside World does not take any particular stance on who to vote for in the election and does not favor any one candidate over another.

Are you conflicted over which candidate best represents your views in this election? Well, now you can take this fun quiz and see once and for all which candidate you most align with!

1) Do you use a private email server?

  1. Yes
  2. No
  3. No, I only use Twitter. That’s private, right?
  4. Maybe…
  5. What’s Email?

2) What’s your favorite color?

  1. Blue
  2. Green
  3. Red
  4. Purple
  5. Yellow

3) What’s your favorite state?

  1. New York
  2. Illinois
  3. Florida
  4. Utah
  5. New Mexico

4) How would you describe your style?

  1. Nothin’ but pantsuits
  2. 100% ORGANIC
  3. Anything made in Gi-na
  4. White button down.
  5. Whatever is on top of the drawer

5) How’s your health?

  1. What are you talking about?
  2. I DRANK 4 MONSTER ENERGY DRINKS TODAY!!!
  3. *sniffles*
  4. God will heal me
  5. *fakes heart attack*

6) What are your thought on the environment?

  1. Of course Climate Change is real
  2. I LOVE TREES!
  3. Climate Change is a hoax; it’s all made up by the Gi-nese
  4. God created the earth
  5. Why save the environment, we’re all going to die anyways

7) What is your view on walls?

  1. Can we build a wall around Mr. Trump?
  2. You mean Wall Street?!?! I HATE WALL STREET!!!!
  3. You know what? The wall just got 10 feet taller.
  4. Walls? Who needs walls? God will protect us.
  5. Yo no me gusta los walls.

8) What’s your view on the Middle East?

  1. I love the Middle East. I love Israel. I love Saudi Arabia. (It depends on when you ask though)
  2. PEACE! PEACE! PEACE! PEACE….
  3. I love falafel. And G-ina.
  4. I’ve never ventured outside of Utah.
  5. What’s Aleppo? Whoever they are, I want to take ‘em down!

9) What are your proposals for Criminal Justice Reform?

  1. It depends on the day.
  2. We should make everyone a vegetarian, then everyone would be nicer to each other. And like MEEEEEE!
  3. We’ve got to lock Crooked Hillary up.
  4. I saw a criminal at church once?
  5. We need to legalize weed. Which will then let anyone in prison for weed be free. Then there will be more weed. Did I say weed enough? *fakes heart attack*

10) What is one quality you admire about your opponents?

  1. I like how Jill Stein is going to be the first woman to lose to an election to a woman.
  2. I admire how Evan McMullin is the only candidate polling lower than me.
  3. I guess Hillary Clinton has good stamina…
  4. I admire that Gary Johnson is not Mormon. I like being the only Mormon on the ballot.
  5. I like that Donald Trump has literally been a train wreck and still could win this election. I mean, bro, how do you do it? Can I have some pointers?

Answers:

If you answered mostly A, you are most like Hillary Clinton. You seem to be pretty levelheaded and make sense on the surface, but beneath that, you are mired in scandal and your attempts to appeal to so many people eventually fails so horribly it seems like you are a robot.

If you answered mostly B, you are similar to Jill Stein. You are a nature-loving hippie who would do anything to protect the environment and animals. Because of this, you are viewed as an outsider and a strange person, but you still have your devout group of followers.

If you answered mostly C, you are like Donald Trump. No matter how idiotic you seem and how many stupid things you do, you still have your sizable group of friends who will follow you to the end of the world, much to the dismay and shock of literally everyone else.

If you answered mostly D, you are most similar to Evan McMullin. You are deeply religious and base many of your views on God and what he would want you to do. You do not have any followers, except for some random people from Utah, which makes many people wonder, what the hell are you doing running for president?

If you answered mostly E, you are like Gary Johnson. You are a joker, who makes light of any topic, no matter how serious. With many Aleppo Moments, you make it look like you have no idea what you’re talking about, but nevertheless, you have a surprising amount of followers from the unfavorability of everyone else.